Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I went home, turned on my shower, sat down on the bathroom floor with my school uniform, reflected and cried. I let the shower beat down my face, tried not to make any sounds of crying. No one knows I cried in my family, except rfcians who read this blog. Which again, I doubt anyone would still visit because everyone's busy panicking about where to go. I just couldn't hold back. With so many things happening recently; all the tribulations, all these cryings, partings, who could? I feel damn tired. I really just want to give up my appealings, and just go to a polytechnic. But with all the memories etched in YJ, and the remaining few rfcians, I just couldn't bear to let go off the appeals. I tried talking to the Principal, Mr Chua, and Koh, but chances doesn't seem to be too good. If this fails, I still have to appeal one more time about my h2 maths. All this hpocrisy I have to put up with, putting up a humble smile before those with a knife in their hand. Tired. Everyone's giving me encouragement, comments, tactics and strategies. I tried telling myself to just preserve and continue the appeals, it's only 2 more days. I already told myself weeks ago, I cannot cry. I haven't cried for years. Not now. I have rfcians behind me. NO!
But today? I was already holding back "half tears" for a few days, then today, after all the tired, sad attempts to appeal, I let them down. Joel's left for thailand for a holiday, or is going to leave tomorrow morning, think he's going poly. Kenneth, roger, pei pei, sk, jwo, sp, joanne(?) are all leaving yj for other alternatives like poly too. Leaving only desmond and nic(?) retaining. Then there's me and paulin still desperately trying to appeal. After which is the others who got promoted. Congrats.
It took me great courage to write this up and put it on this blog. I didn't want to actually. I didn't want anyone to know I cried. Laugh at me all you want. I AM sentimental and fragile. I just want to say, RFC has played a big part of my life in YJ. In fact, it was everything. For the past 8 months, we have been through so much. From the sole purpose of just getting back at Roger for disturbing us, rogerfanclub was created. Then it turned out to be a gang of cocksters who are really really fun to hang out with, bonded with something special. A family. And now, everyone's going towards different directions, pursuing their different aspirations. All the best to everyone. Oh, about the swensens treat, does anyone still want it? Just want one more time for everyone to get together before we part.

Best is if you ever read this, don't bring this up to me. Don't console, or talk about it. I might just cry again. Forget the laugh at me all you want part. I don't think I'll give up appealing. Thank you jun nan for your really useful advices. Kailiang + desmond + chinkheng + nicholas + weijun + kenneth + junnan + jerry + joel + soonkwee + christopher + roger + shiping + shiqi + paulin + zebelty + wenjia + bertha + (i don't think I left out anyone right?) + me = RFC!!

-ShenG aka MonsterMonk (From cK),Sheng yu pian(From ShiPing), Botak(From Roger long time ago), Criminal 8838883(From Zeb), Dickhead II(From WeiJun).
-rogerfc always at 8:05 PM

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