Saturday, October 29, 2005
i went jogging this morning all by myself. thoughts raced through my mind and i sat there alone for like hours trying to piece all puzzle tgt. and i thought the existence of RFC was one of the best thing that happened to me.

once so united, so pure to what it is today. what's wrong? did time expose everyone's weaknesses and cripple those friendships formed? we all stood by each other against a common enemy before promos. (y'know who) had endless fun tgt. did we all forget and are we all turning our backs to people who were once closed to us?

i thought so too. i got annoyed at some people and openly displayed what i feel; publicly. not that i think we should all conceal our feelings but it just suddenly came to me, everything that i was annoyed at was so trivial and in contrast, made me look like a petty person. its just, all of a sudden, dawned on me that we should have kept an open mind. i mean, don't you feel this way? when certain things happen, you just got this urge to counter the person right in the face but when you really think it through, you will realise, if you had suppressed it for that moment, it would be gone by the next. and isn't that good? (i mean for trivial ones. if its those huge ones i think we will have to talk it out but yes) but i don't know. i still end up doing the same even though before i actually counter attack, there's this internal struggle if i should. i often give in to my urge so yes, not exactly useful for me. but, it seems as though all our acts are interlinked. what we do today/to anyone, it will have repercussions. good or bad but we must admit there is. so i thought before we actually start to feel this dislike for anyone around, we should just think about those good times we'd together. and do we really want to spoil those ties. shiqi asked me to tell these to people who feel this way but i told her no, b'cos i didn't want to appear as an hyprocrite. b'cos i had already voiced out too much. although i did tell zebelty but its cos' she's so close to me to the extent that i know she will not misunderstand me. but i hope, what i'm doing today makes you think if you should continue to dislike people who were once so close.

isn't it better to have an extra friend than a foe?

everything happens for a reason. even if it seems as if there's a reason for you to pick on, why not try finding a reason to not. very often, we just focus too much on the negative and forget about those goods. it doesn't matter if we're reciprocrated. what's important is we tried to be a nicer person to make everything that was once good to stay.

emo-free outing coming up next, i will be better. thanks.
(i think i g'na edit cos' it doesn't exactly capture how i feel :(()
-paulin
-rogerfc always at 12:41 PM

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